In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize