I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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