I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
