He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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