we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
