I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Someone came in the potted fern
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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