Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize