I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
