i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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