I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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