I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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