jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
