wat bout pragnant strippers??
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
