Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
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you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
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I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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