my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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