I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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