If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize