Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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