I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
