he wants to bone in the snuggie
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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