too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
