Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
