You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
