Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
its liver damage thursday
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
