my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
