I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
