I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
