i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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