I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
