Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
