we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
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