Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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