No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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