Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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