my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
