Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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