Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
