well you can't waste a boner
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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