Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
