she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
