i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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