Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
