she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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