Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
