There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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