I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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