so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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