: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
