btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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