he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
