Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Your penis caused this!
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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