I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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