please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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