you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
