From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
We were destined to go to rehab together
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
If its not for food we ain't going out.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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