tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
