I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
